Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
