I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
