I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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