just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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