you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
