the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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