TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i've created a new STD.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
