end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
