So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
