STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
