So drunk its hurt
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
