i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
