On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
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i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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