and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
