how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
