even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
