I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
