I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
