nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
