Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
