I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
