My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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