why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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