Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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