we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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