Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
