Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
