I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
