Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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