I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
