your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
