so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
