so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
