I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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