that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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