Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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