I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh god it's open bar.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
