We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
