I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
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Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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