I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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