you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
