I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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