Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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