Jerry, you need to find god
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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