How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
