I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
