Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize