I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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