DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
