I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
