my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
