from now on my penis is your penis
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
