If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
