I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
