I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
