i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
