You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
