Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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